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Apollonia Ponti is a Dating & Relationship Coach for men. She specializes in teaching men to understand what women want, master their attraction skills, and build their confidence in dating or a relationship.
In this Addicted2Success Podcast episode Apollonia shares how you can show up powerfully in Dating and Relationships.
Here is the audio of the podcast:
Mindset #1 You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone
You have clarity in your life about who you are as a person and if you are not going to be desired as a man by a particular person, then you know there is someone else that will desire you. Now I’m not saying that you’re going to be disrespectful and come off harsh and really, really aggressive, but what I do mean is that you just hold your power. You know who you are and you don’t have to prove yourself or you don’t have to say things to get people to like you.
You don’t have to act in a particular way for someone to like you. You know that you showing up as you will be the way people will see you and if they don’t like you, no big deal. You like you and that’s what matters.
Mindset #2 You’re not attached to an outcome, you know that everything will work out, and if it doesn’t, you will be okay
If you go a little bit deeper in this, this means that you’re okay with being alone, right? This means that you, alone, are okay because a lot of times in relationships a lot of people seek validation from another. They seek validation that they are loved, that they are enough but you’re the only person that needs to see yourself as enough to attract that. That’s what I’m saying. Mindset number two is not attached to a specific outcome.
If you like a girl and she’s an amazing girl and you think this is going great blah blah blah, you’re okay if it works out and you’re okay if it doesn’t work out. It’s just the simple act of you not putting pressure because if you put pressure it shows neediness, insecurity, and attachment.
Mindset #3 You look at things as what value can I offer someone or something instead of what can I get out of this because you have a mindset that you know the more that I give the more that I’m going to receive
Now it’s not that you’re saying that you’re going to give someone a piece of you or your time if they’re not going to be respectful or receiving towards it, but you know that you don’t have this attitude that you’re just like, “Okay, what are you giving me? I’m here because you need to be here and you’re giving me something because my time is valuable to me.” No.
Your time is valuable to you, yes, but this is from a different perspective and mindset. You’re like, “Okay, how can I add value to you in your life?” Because you know you’re capable of meeting your own needs and being there for others. It’s less selfish. This comes off so attractive to women and it shows too that you are powerful and that you hold your own pretty well.
Mindset #4 You’re unapologetically honest
I don’t mean that you’re just going to point out and say things like you look fat in that dress or anything like that but you’re going to obviously be honest and open about your own opinions. Women are so attracted to this and I talk about this so much because I just want to get it ingrained in your head. You don’t want to always agree with a woman because one, you’ll fall into friend zone pretty easily when that happens, and two, women test men a lot when it comes to this.
When you’re open and you’re honest about how you feel or have your own opinion about a specific topic that the both of you are talking about, it shows that you are just you showing up for you and not trying to impress her because you are enough and that’s what is impressive to a woman.
Mindset #5 You value your time so this means you also want to see if she’s worth it
There is a difference here. What I mean in value your time is you take your time with her to see if she is worth it for you. A lot of times men fall into just the visual of the woman. Like oh my gosh, she has a nice body, she’s beautiful, she’s this, she’s that, which I’m not saying to dismiss, but what I am saying is understand that those women can be a little bit more intriguing to you when you’re really trying to get to know her on an emotional level, what she has to offer you and who she is as a person if she’s worth a commitment as well.
Instead of just seeing her beauty and thinking, “This one!” This is the mindset you want to always have: no matter how beautiful the woman is or how great the woman is, you have to see if she’s worth it for you to invest your time in and the same goes vice versa. A woman of value is deciding the same thing; are you the type of person she wants to make a commitment to as well.
Mindset #6 You show up powerfully in your own skin
What I mean by this is you just know yourself. I mean I talk about this in mindset number one and mindset number two, but when you show up in your own skin, you walk into places like a lounge or a restaurant or wherever you are, and your chin is up, shoulders are back, and you just confidently know who you are. Women can sense this when a man just knows who he is and he owns it and he’s just powerful in who he is. It shows in how you present yourself.
How do you become powerful? Well, you have to be focused on something that is thriving in your life and you can read my article on how to find your purpose to discover some ideas on how to find your purpose and how you give back. This is significant to your everyday world when it comes to attraction.
Mindset #7 You’re compassionate but you don’t get defensive
There are so many men that I know that get very low on patience. They take automatic offense to something as though if a woman says something she’s being disrespectful and he points fingers back and he automatically gets offended as though he has to defend himself and the world is all against him. This is not compassion. What this actually does to a woman in her mind is it kills attraction all the time. I mean from day one. It’s a huge red flag for a woman. I bring this up because this has happened a lot in coaching sessions and men that I’ve talked to, they’re just like, “I just don’t have patience. I just don’t have the time, blah blah blah blah blah,” but they hold this aspect of not having compassion but also not knowing how to just breathe, take a moment and be like, “All right.
This has nothing to do with me. What’s the worst thing possible that can come out of this? Let me just open this up for discussion,” instead of just pointing fingers and getting so frustrated to the point where you can hear it in their tone. You can see it in their physical being and you can hear the way that they come off and their expressions. Everything changes, their demeanor, their energy, everything.
This is huge in regards to the mindset of a man. You don’t want to let anybody else control your emotions. You are the one that’s in control of your own emotions, right? Meaning, okay someone says something to you to piss you off. You have a choice! You have a choice to either get angry or just look at him and smile and be like, “Damn. You’re having a bad day.” Right? Because of the fact that when you hold your own, it shows so much more confidence that you’re just not reacting and you’re just accepting it and you’re just like, “You’re not going to get to me,” because you control yourself. You control you.
Reacting and taking everything personally can kill attraction instantly. It comes off as unsafe. And that is huge for women, they need to know they can be safe with you. It is your choice in how you choose to respond to the things around you.
Mindset #8 You embrace failures with strength and confidence
We all mistakes in life but you embrace these mistakes and ask yourself how can I be better, what can I learn from this and what would I choose to improve. Let me respond to my mistakes and see how I can fix this so it doesn’t happen again. You don’t get down on yourself and start punishing yourself like, “Oh, you’re not a good guy, you’re horrible, no woman is going to like you. You don’t deserve love.” You don’t say those things to yourself.
When you’re in the dumps you’re like, “Okay fine. I messed up but how am I going to improve with this and how am I going to move forward?” You take the proactive notions and you build the skills so you don’t have this happen to you again.
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