As I’ve been writing about the past couple of weeks, the allostatic load of the extraordinarily stressful period we’re living, working and leading through demands that we be more mindful about the routines that can help us be both effective and healthy. I’ve already written about physical and mental routines. This week, I want to talk about relational routines; the ones that address our basic need for love and belonging and that also help keep us alive.

From a purely utilitarian standpoint, it’s fairly obvious that if you want to get positive results over the long-run, you need to invest in positive relationships. They’re essential to getting things done. From a humanistic standpoint, positive relationships make life more fun, strengthen your immune system (kind of important during a global pandemic), and increase your life expectancy by reducing the likelihood of heart disease, cancer, strokes and Alzheimer’s. As this article that summarizes the ground breaking research of UCLA professor Steve Cole states, “our bodies see loneliness as a mortal threat.” From an evolutionary standpoint, we’re wired to intuit loneliness and isolation as a threat to our survival because it’s easier for a group to fend off a saber tooth tiger than it is for an individual. The sense of isolation that working from home can bring prompts us to seek out connection with others. That’s why you’ve been doing all of those virtual happy hours and meet-ups. That’s a good thing because it’s helping you get out of the chronic state of fight or flight that both reduces your performance and your health and well-being.

As many of us will continue to work from home and maintain physical distance for the foreseeable future, here are a few things to consider incorporating into your virtual relationships as well the ones you have with the people you live with.

Include Transformational Listening In Your Mix – As I wrote about in my book, Overworked and Overwhelmed: The Mindfulness Alternative, there are three basic kinds of listening – transient, transactional and transformational. As the accompanying chart makes clear, all of us engage in transient listening where we’re so distracted with our own agenda and thoughts that we don’t actually listen. Transactional listening is focused on solving a problem or identifying a next step and is much higher value-added. We’re all seeing and doing a lot of that on work-related Zooms but if we stop at transactional listening, we miss out on the opportunities for deeper relationships. That’s where transformational listening comes in – listening with no other purpose than to connect and learn more about the other person or people. Open-ended questions that spark warm memories, a sense of fun, reflections on gratitude or hope for the future are a great way to set up transformational conversations. This blog post I wrote a few years ago has a list of those kinds of questions. Why not ask one or two of those in your next team Zoom meeting or casual conversation with a friend or family member?

Three Styles of Listening, The Eblin Group

Make the Time and Take the Time – Do your best to pay attention to how you’re allocating your conversational time. What percentage of it is focused on more transactional conversations? If more than 80 percent are focused on human “do-ings”, make and take some regular time to focus on the human beings through transformational conversations.

Variety is the Spice of Life – Routines and patterns are useful in life because they help us get things done without having to start from scratch every time we do them. The weekly staff meeting, the rotation of shirts you’re wearing on Zoom and the walk you go on after lunch are all examples of routines that are helpful until they’re not. They’re not when they get you into a rut of not noticing when you’re repeating yourself without looking for opportunities for deeper connection with colleagues, friends and family. Variety is the spice of life. Spark new connections by changing up your meetings and routines and inviting others into a different mix that brings fresh energy by shaking things up. A little creativity in a pandemic never hurt anyone!

Strong, healthy relationships are vital to both productivity and health and well-being. What have you been doing to deepen yours during the pandemic?

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In times of crisis, complex decisions often have to be made
and implemented quickly. It can be challenging to coordinate and obtain buy-in
on those big decisions even when the stakeholders can get in a room together to
hash it all out. In the new “Work from Home” (WFH) era sparked by the COVID-19
pandemic, being in the same room isn’t an option. That can lead to some
predictable conflict-management problems that you can avoid with a little foresight
and creativity.

Think back to that distant time of February 2020 and
earlier. There were probably times when you found yourself in the middle of an
email flame war. You remember how those went. One or more participants poured
gas on the fire by sharing crazy assumptions or accusations without having all
the facts. If you’re like the best leaders I’ve coached, you calmed the conflict
by pulling the parties together to talk things out. Just the act of bringing the
players into the same room made things better because once people are together,
they connect more as human beings and not as faceless combatants sitting at
their keyboards.

Now that we’re all WFH, leaders need to be super intentional
and proactive about creating virtual spaces for human connection. For instance,
let’s say you’re finding yourself at odds with a colleague about how your teams
should coordinate and work together during the crisis. One option is to send
emails back and forth (and maybe CC’ing a few people in the process) so the two
of you can argue about who’s right and who’s wrong. That’s not good for anybody
– your customers, your teams or either of you.

If you were in the pre-WFH days what would you do? I asked
that question of an executive coaching client a few days ago who was in the
middle of one of those virtual conflict loops. He immediately answered, “I’d
walk down to his office and say, ‘Let’s go get a beer and talk things over.’”
We concluded that that was still a good move, it would just have to be executed
a little differently. Later that day, he set up a FaceTime call with his colleague
and they each had a beer while they talked things over. The next day, they
co-led an online meeting of both of their teams so everyone was working from
the same playbook. The show of leadership unity that was engineered over a
virtual happy hour was a crucial component of getting things back on track.
(Thanks to my client for giving me the OK to share his story with you.)

We don’t realize how much our effectiveness as leaders and
colleagues depends on the little things like picking up on facial expressions
and body language while we’re relaxing together until our usual ways of doing
that are no longer available. Until they are again, we’re all going to have to
be more mindful of creating and calling for virtual alternatives. Our ability
to make complex decisions and get good things done without a lot of needless
friction depends on it.

If you liked what you read here, subscribe here to get my latest ideas on how to lead and live at your best.

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If you are struggling to create clarity in your life then I have created the Addicted2Success academy to support you in getting crystal clear on your next moves in life. Join my mentorship in The Addicted2Success Academy here. The only PROVEN METHOD in the world that allows ANYONE to effortlessly ELEVATE the 8-KEY AREAS of life, is finally being passed down… EXCLUSIVELY, in this Academy.


Apollonia Ponti is a Dating & Relationship Coach for men. She specializes in teaching men to understand what women want, master their attraction skills, and build their confidence in dating or a relationship.

In this Addicted2Success Podcast episode Apollonia shares how you can show up powerfully in Dating and Relationships.

Here is the audio of the podcast:


Mindset #1 You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone

You have clarity in your life about who you are as a person and if you are not going to be desired as a man by a particular person, then you know there is someone else that will desire you. Now I’m not saying that you’re going to be disrespectful and come off harsh and really, really aggressive, but what I do mean is that you just hold your power. You know who you are and you don’t have to prove yourself or you don’t have to say things to get people to like you.

You don’t have to act in a particular way for someone to like you. You know that you showing up as you will be the way people will see you and if they don’t like you, no big deal. You like you and that’s what matters.


Mindset #2 You’re not attached to an outcome, you know that everything will work out, and if it doesn’t, you will be okay

If you go a little bit deeper in this, this means that you’re okay with being alone, right? This means that you, alone, are okay because a lot of times in relationships a lot of people seek validation from another. They seek validation that they are loved, that they are enough but you’re the only person that needs to see yourself as enough to attract that. That’s what I’m saying. Mindset number two is not attached to a specific outcome.

If you like a girl and she’s an amazing girl and you think this is going great blah blah blah, you’re okay if it works out and you’re okay if it doesn’t work out. It’s just the simple act of you not putting pressure because if you put pressure it shows neediness, insecurity, and attachment.


Mindset #3 You look at things as what value can I offer someone or something instead of what can I get out of this because you have a mindset that you know the more that I give the more that I’m going to receive

Now it’s not that you’re saying that you’re going to give someone a piece of you or your time if they’re not going to be respectful or receiving towards it, but you know that you don’t have this attitude that you’re just like, “Okay, what are you giving me? I’m here because you need to be here and you’re giving me something because my time is valuable to me.” No.

Your time is valuable to you, yes, but this is from a different perspective and mindset. You’re like, “Okay, how can I add value to you in your life?” Because you know you’re capable of meeting your own needs and being there for others. It’s less selfish. This comes off so attractive to women and it shows too that you are powerful and that you hold your own pretty well.


Mindset #4 You’re unapologetically honest

I don’t mean that you’re just going to point out and say things like you look fat in that dress or anything like that but you’re going to obviously be honest and open about your own opinions. Women are so attracted to this and I talk about this so much because I just want to get it ingrained in your head. You don’t want to always agree with a woman because one, you’ll fall into friend zone pretty easily when that happens, and two, women test men a lot when it comes to this.

When you’re open and you’re honest about how you feel or have your own opinion about a specific topic that the both of you are talking about, it shows that you are just you showing up for you and not trying to impress her because you are enough and that’s what is impressive to a woman.


Mindset #5 You value your time so this means you also want to see if she’s worth it

There is a difference here. What I mean in value your time is you take your time with her to see if she is worth it for you. A lot of times men fall into just the visual of the woman. Like oh my gosh, she has a nice body, she’s beautiful, she’s this, she’s that, which I’m not saying to dismiss, but what I am saying is understand that those women can be a little bit more intriguing to you when you’re really trying to get to know her on an emotional level, what she has to offer you and who she is as a person if she’s worth a commitment as well.

Instead of just seeing her beauty and thinking, “This one!” This is the mindset you want to always have: no matter how beautiful the woman is or how great the woman is, you have to see if she’s worth it for you to invest your time in and the same goes vice versa. A woman of value is deciding the same thing; are you the type of person she wants to make a commitment to as well.


Mindset #6 You show up powerfully in your own skin

What I mean by this is you just know yourself. I mean I talk about this in mindset number one and mindset number two, but when you show up in your own skin, you walk into places like a lounge or a restaurant or wherever you are, and your chin is up, shoulders are back, and you just confidently know who you are. Women can sense this when a man just knows who he is and he owns it and he’s just powerful in who he is. It shows in how you present yourself.

How do you become powerful? Well, you have to be focused on something that is thriving in your life and you can read my article on how to find your purpose to discover some ideas on how to find your purpose and how you give back. This is significant to your everyday world when it comes to attraction.


Mindset #7 You’re compassionate but you don’t get defensive

There are so many men that I know that get very low on patience. They take automatic offense to something as though if a woman says something she’s being disrespectful and he points fingers back and he automatically gets offended as though he has to defend himself and the world is all against him. This is not compassion. What this actually does to a woman in her mind is it kills attraction all the time. I mean from day one. It’s a huge red flag for a woman. I bring this up because this has happened a lot in coaching sessions and men that I’ve talked to, they’re just like, “I just don’t have patience. I just don’t have the time, blah blah blah blah blah,” but they hold this aspect of not having compassion but also not knowing how to just breathe, take a moment and be like, “All right.

This has nothing to do with me. What’s the worst thing possible that can come out of this? Let me just open this up for discussion,” instead of just pointing fingers and getting so frustrated to the point where you can hear it in their tone. You can see it in their physical being and you can hear the way that they come off and their expressions. Everything changes, their demeanor, their energy, everything.

This is huge in regards to the mindset of a man. You don’t want to let anybody else control your emotions. You are the one that’s in control of your own emotions, right? Meaning, okay someone says something to you to piss you off. You have a choice! You have a choice to either get angry or just look at him and smile and be like, “Damn. You’re having a bad day.” Right? Because of the fact that when you hold your own, it shows so much more confidence that you’re just not reacting and you’re just accepting it and you’re just like, “You’re not going to get to me,” because you control yourself. You control you.

Reacting and taking everything personally can kill attraction instantly. It comes off as unsafe. And that is huge for women, they need to know they can be safe with you. It is your choice in how you choose to respond to the things around you.


Mindset #8 You embrace failures with strength and confidence

We all mistakes in life but you embrace these mistakes and ask yourself how can I be better, what can I learn from this and what would I choose to improve. Let me respond to my mistakes and see how I can fix this so it doesn’t happen again. You don’t get down on yourself and start punishing yourself like, “Oh, you’re not a good guy, you’re horrible, no woman is going to like you. You don’t deserve love.” You don’t say those things to yourself.

When you’re in the dumps you’re like, “Okay fine. I messed up but how am I going to improve with this and how am I going to move forward?” You take the proactive notions and you build the skills so you don’t have this happen to you again.

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Are You Hearing or Listening?

One of the things I’ve said for a long-time as an executive coach is that if
you get colleague feedback that you need to be a better listener, take the
feedback and start working on it. The positive leadership ripple effects from
doing a better job of listening are enormous and wide-spread. Problem-solving,
team-engagement, relationships and results all improve when leaders listen

I was reminded of this again a few weeks ago when conducting
colleague feedback interviews for a new coaching client. (This is the time of
year when I usually take on a few new clients.) One of the colleagues made an
interesting distinction between hearing and listening as in, “I think he hears
me, but I’m not always sure he’s listening to me.” That distinction between
hearing and listening is a simple one but yields a big difference in outcomes.

Hearing is really just sound waves landing on your ear
drums. When it stops there, it’s what I call transient listening. You’re on
your way to someplace else – physically, mentally or both. You’re basically in
transit and not present. How do you know when you’re just hearing and not
really listening? Some of the warning signs include:

Your focus is on you.Your goal is to wrap up and move on.You feel distracted or impatient.You interrupt to tell your thoughts.

Listening, on the other hand, involves a lot more than your
ear drums. When you’re really listening, you’re engaging your brain and the
other party’s brain. That’s how you build both connection and value.

From my point of view, there are two basic styles of
value-added listening – transactional and transformational. You see a lot of
transactional listening at work because it’s the kind of listening that’s best
suited to solve a problem or identify a next step. Here are some of the
signs that you’re engaging in transactional listening:

Your focus is on the other party.Your goal is to move things forward.You feel purposeful and focused.You ask open-ended questions and clarify

In most organizations, you don’t see a lot of
transformational listening. That’s too bad, because it’s the kind of listening
that creates the most long-term value. Transformational listening not only
engages the brains in the conversation, it quite often engages the hearts. It’s
listening with the primary agenda to connect with the other person. Connection
builds trust and trust yields results. Here are some of the signs that
you’re engaging in transformational listening:

Your focus is on the connection between you and
the other party.Your goal is to learn more about the other party
– what they think, what they value and how they feel.You feel creative, connected and relaxed.You observe with your eyes and are comfortable
with silence and build on what’s said.

So, what do you think? Have you been hearing more or
listening more lately? If it’s more on the hearing side, I’d suggest you pick
one or two of the signs of transactional listening to focus on in your
conversations in the coming weeks. If you think you’re already doing a great
job on transactional listening, why not look for or create some opportunities
for transformational listening in the next few weeks? Based on what my clients
have told me over the years about what happens when they engage in
transformational listening, I can practically guarantee you’ll be glad you did.

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When you stop and think about it a big part of leadership is about convincing people to do things differently. It could be persuading customers to buy your product or try your service. It could be getting employees or vendors to raise their game. It could be convincing regulators and other rules makers to support what you want to do. In each of these examples or a dozen others that you could come up with, success depends on getting people to change their behaviors.

And, as oft-cited research from Gallup suggests, there’s about a 70 percent chance you’re going to fail.

Why is it that so many change initiatives fail? Based on a few decades of experience as a corporate leader or a coach to leaders, I regularly see three related reasons your change initiative will fail. They all involve too much of this and not enough of that.

Here they are and what you can do to increase your odds of success:

Too much solution, not enough acceptance: Years ago, I learned a simple little equation about change management developed by leaders at GE. It’s Q x A = E. What it means is the quality of your technical solution multiplied by the acceptance strategy for your solution equals your overall effectiveness. If you score 10 out of 10 on both the Q and the A then you end up with a 100 percent effective solution. Most leaders and organizations don’t end up at 100 percent though and it’s rarely because they don’t have a good enough technical solution. The relatively easy part of the equation is pulling together a group of subject matter experts to develop a good to great solution. What usually doesn’t get the same amount of effort is putting together an awesome strategy for stakeholder acceptance of the solution.  The math makes the impact of that kind of obvious. If you score a 10 on the Q and a 3 on the A, you’re only going to be 30 percent effective. A score like that is usually a fail.

Too much thinking, not enough feeling: Overemphasizing the quality of the technical solution and underplaying the acceptance strategy stems from the second reason most change initiatives fail. There’s too much emphasis on logical thinking and not enough emphasis on emotional feeling. The problem with that is people almost always take actions based on their emotional feeling rather than their logical thinking. Too many leaders believe that just getting their logical thoughts out there about the change will be enough to win people over. As in, “They’ll see the logic of this and then we’ll be good to go.” Logical to you, maybe; perhaps not so much to them. A more effective approach is to consider how you need people to feel to take the actions that will lead to the change result you’re hoping for. For instance, if they’re feeling angry, ignored or disengaged, they’re probably not going to take the actions you’d like for them to take. If, on the other hand, they’re feeling excited, appreciated and engaged, you’re much more likely to generate actions that lead to positive outcomes. What do you need to do as a leader to get your stakeholders’ feeling more supportive of your change?

Too much results, not enough relationships: Here’s a hint for answering that last question. Focus at least as much on the relationships as you do the results. You’ve probably picked up by now on one of the big things these three reasons for change failure all have in common. The mistake too many leaders make is over-indexing on “what” and under on the “how” of the change. One variant of this is when their time, attention and behavioral energy is focused too much on the results and not enough on the relationships that will yield the results. Great change leaders exhibit roughly equal measures of results-oriented behaviors and relationship-oriented behaviors. I summarized the differences between the two in this post from ten (!) years ago. The spoiler alert is that a lot of the differences I outlined come down to that old idea that they don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. Relationship building works best when it is part of your everyday routine and not a last-minute activity like you’re cramming for a final exam.

Why do change initiatives fail? There are lots of reasons – way more than I covered here. But if you want to do a post-mortem on why your latest crashed and burned or prevent the next one from doing so, I’d argue that the three I’ve listed here are a pretty good place to start.

If you liked what you read here, subscribe here to get my latest ideas on how to lead and live at your best.

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Everybody knows that the virtual world is full of trolls. They’re negative, they’re angry and they’re probably a bit smelly too. Like sketchy neighbourhoods and dodgy-looking characters on the street, we take great steps to avoid potentially negative interactions in our everyday life online. But, what if I told you, that there is a different path open to you, when it comes to dealing with trolling? That trolls, nay-sayers, angry folks that want to insult you, and all-round impolite and insulting creatures online, are actually a force that you can leverage, for your own self-esteem, and for your business? Would you tell me that I’m crazy?

Why We Are Affected By Trolls

Most of us are lucky enough to live in a world, where our safety and self-esteem is not immediately threatened every day. There are no tigers waiting to eat us, no armed gangs gathering outside our homes, and we can safely call a taxi to get home on a night out. While this is ideal from the point of view of safety, it means that our deep reflexes – our natural instincts in the face of danger, don’t get a look in. In fact, those deep-rooted survival instincts are positively flabby. We don’t get enough practise dealing with conflict, so when it does happen, we go all wibbly-wobbly about it.

This is why, when we write a kick-ass article, post a picture or share an achievement online, we forget all about the uplifting comments from people that enjoyed it, in order to mentally and often physically, over-react to negative comments.

Even though we’re not in any physical danger, and we’re probably not in any other type of danger either, such as having our livelihood stripped away from us, or losing money. We react as though we are. Negative comments naturally dominate our thoughts, as the brain and body are attuned to threats and danger. That’s how we’ve survived for many thousands of years.

Being rejected by your tribe is an ancient danger. Shame has been used by humans to control other humans since forever, and this primitive reaction is what trolls are tapping in to. When your social standing and reputation are threatened, the primitive part of your brain doesn’t understand that it’s probably some dude covered in Pringle crumbs, sitting in his mother’s basement ten thousand miles away. 

When the brain perceives danger, or a threat to your plans or social standing, a chemical called cortisol is released by the HPA axis in the brain. This heightens your awareness (which is partly why some people obsess over certain comments online). It raises your heartbeat, your breathing gets shallower, and you might even start to tremble. You can have trouble focusing on anything other than the perceived threat, and even experience distortion of reality – such as thinking that your article is terrible and everyone hates it.

I don’t need to tell you, that this feels HORRIBLE! This is how trolls operate, and they get a kick out of causing a physical and mental reaction to somebody, just by using words.

How Trolls Can Be Good For You

First of all, if you can be at peace with the fact that trolling exists, and some of it is going to land at your feet, no matter how wonderful you are, then you have a huge advantage over lots of other people that want to get their work out there.

Being aware of the entire process of trolling, from what causes it in the first place to how it makes you react, helps to hand the power over the whole process back to you. People feeling powerless and trying to dominate and control others over the Internet because they’re feeling sad and inadequate in themselves – that’s the reason trolls say awful stuff. Your natural response – to over-react and feel like crap about it, is perfectly healthy.

This stuff is as natural as anything you’d see on a David Attenborough show. That doesn’t mean it’s OK, but if you can change your outlook on trolling, you can retain your power and actually use their negativity as motivation to hit your next level, where their comments can not harm you.

Being Trolled Is An Opportunity To Become More Of Who You Are

If you can concentrate on your own feelings and reactions to trolling and begin to control them, instead of letting them control you, then YOU get to use it as an opportunity for growth. You get to be the badass. You get to build the courage to post the stuff you might otherwise delete. You get to go deeper, be more experimental, and dare to connect more deeply with your audience. You get to be more authentic, more real, and come across in 3D, which puts you at an advantage, compared to everyone else that’s still getting hung up on rude people who get off on upsetting strangers.

Trolls Can Help You to Build Deeper Connections With the RIGHT People

Going even deeper – if you can control your own reactions to trolls, you can step in and uplift others. What better way to connect with other writers, entrepreneurs, or the artists and people you admire, than to counter their negativity THEY are receiving from trolls, with your admiration and acclaim?

This is going to bring you far more happiness and make you more positive connections, than thinking “I’d better tone myself down a bit in case I get a load of crap from trolls over this.” Standing up for yourself can repair the cracks that trolls may have caused in your self-esteem, but standing up for others gives you battle-armour.

You can’t wave a magic wand and banish all the trolls back to their bridges, but you can use their negativity to push yourself further, be more daring, and make all kinds of connections online. I’m sure many of you will agree, that is truly a win against the online forces of darkness.

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What does it feel like to meet your mentor? Most people would be ecstatic, yet there’s one thing they’re forgetting. When you meet your idol, you need to be prepared for how you will speak with them. You only have a minute to make a lasting impression and after that minute is up, you lost your chance.

It doesn’t matter if you’re sociable or not, you need to know how to talk to others, especially with someone who has the knowledge you need or a client. Most people don’t start out sociable, it becomes developed overtime. How does this happen? By talking to as many people as you can. When you’re at the grocery store or at the gym, be willing to talk to everyone. You may not know where to begin when talking to someone else and that’s okay.

Here are five tips from successful entrepreneurs on how to have an impactful conversation with everyone you meet:
1. Will Weinbach – Don’t be someone else, be yourself

At 16, Will is the CEO of Cross Court TV, an online media site that specializes in all things tennis and has over 200,000 combined social media followers. He’s also a nationally ranked tennis player. Will has been given the opportunity to interview Jack Sock, David Goffin, Jordan Spieth, Dustin Johnson, Reggie Bush and Hope Solo.

Will has learned quite a lot from speaking with pro-athletes. In the beginning, he tried to be like others but realized it wasn’t for him. Overtime, he learned he already had his biggest asset which was his personality. With your personality, you set yourself apart from everyone else.

How does this happen? Because you’re the only person in the world with your personality. Use it to your advantage. Whatever quirks you may have, don’t be afraid to let it shine through. What you think people might not like could be the next sensation. When you’re speaking with someone, don’t be someone else, be yourself and let them see everything for who you are.

2. Lewis Howes – Let people be vulnerable

Lewis Howes is a former pro athlete turned New York Times Best-Selling Author and podcast host of ‘The School of Greatness’ which is ranked as one of the top 100 podcasts in the world. Lewis has an Instagram following of 438,000 followers.

With his podcast, Lewis has spoken to hundreds of people. It wasn’t easy in the beginning but what he quickly realized is that everyone is vulnerable and has a backstory. You need to be the person to discover that backstory. How do you discover someone’s backstory? By putting your attention on them and asking great questions.

People want to share what they’ve been through with others but will not come right out with it. You need to do some digging. I can guarantee you when someone shares their backstory with you, you will forever be connected in someway. Why? Because they were vulnerable with you. When trying to have an impactful conversation with someone else, allow them to be vulnerable and confide in you.

“You become what you envision yourself being.” – Lewis Howes

3. Andy Frisella – Be present in the conversation

Andy Frisella is the founder of Supplement Superstores, Paradise Distribution, and the renowned fitness brand 1st Phorm International. His companies combined bring in more than $100 Million Per Year. He’s also host of the popular podcast, the MFCEO Project. Andy has an Instagram following of 813,000 followers.

While Andy does a lot of podcast episodes on his own, occasionally he’ll bring on a guest. When he brings on a guest, you can sense how seamlessly the conversation goes. He lets others speak their mind while he’s fully present.

When you’re having a conversation with someone, make sure you’re fully present. What does being present mean? It means focusing on the what the person is saying, you’re not thinking about anything else or on your phone. People can notice when you’re present or not. Next time you speak with someone, make sure you’re present, you’ll notice an immediate difference in how the conversation flows.

“Yes, finding success is going to require you to make sacrifices and be uncomfortable.” – Andy Frisella

4. Ed Mylett – Be relatable

Ed Mylett is the Agency Chairman at World Financial Group, peak performance expert, and host of the renowned Ed Mylett Show. Ed has an Instagram following of 566,000 followers. I first came across Ed when I was listening to Andy Frisella’s podcast and ever since then I’ve been hooked on his content, especially his podcast. With his podcast, Ed brings on a variety of guests.

In his interviews, I noticed one aspect of his show he uses to connect with his interviewee’s and listeners, he’s relatable. No matter what you’re going through or what you’ve been through, Ed can sympathize with your situation.

Ed hasn’t always been successful and he can be the first to attest to that. He doesn’t speak above you like he’s someone better than you. He talks to you as if you’re on the same level because he can relate. When you’re having a conversation with someone else, make sure you’re making yourself relatable because no matter how successful you are you’re never above someone because everyone had to start somewhere.

5. Casey Adams – Show that you care

At 17, Casey is an author, brand specialist, and speaker. He has an Instagram following of over 172,000 followers and just launched another Instagram page, Rise Of The Young. Casey is also the host of the Rise Of The Young podcast.

Through his podcast, he’s been able to speak with a multitude of different entrepreneurs. With his podcast, you can see that Casey genuinely cares about the guests on his show. This is also how he’s been able to build his brand.

When you’re having a conversation with someone, make sure you care about them. There are too many people who try to take advantage of others. When you show someone else that you care about them, they will react positively.

If you want to build a business, make sure you care about your customer and everyone you meet. The last step towards having an impactful conversation with someone else is making sure they feel cared that you’re talking to them. There’s no other way to build your network or your business than by having an impactful conversation with someone.

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